I have had an awful week. I have had the flu. I started feeling ill last Monday, just tired and achy. By Wednesday evening I felt really poorly and spent the next 4 days in bed.
It put a temporary halt to my Exante journey which i was really annoyed about. I had to be sensible though – when I take certain types of tablets I have to eat food as my body is a bit sensitive and doesn’t handle medication well. I tried to stick to protein like eggs and didn’t have much of an appetite anyway. I was mindful about what I ate which was quite easy as I was just too poorly to eat.
I was feeling a little better by Sunday but just couldn’t get back on the shakes. Instead of sticking to low carb a few little bits started creeping in..the odd mouthful here, the odd biscuit there. I then had bread – lovely, squishy, comforting bread. Oh how I have missed it!!! Instead of stopping at 1 slice I had 2, then had a piece of cheesecake later on that day.
Warning bells were ringing in my ears…the slippery slope of a binge was starting and I knew it. I finished the day with a home made chip butty, a few flapjack bites and a chocolate biscuit. Now as binges go this one was pretty tame. It was far removed from my very dark days of depression where I thought nothing of eating a whole cheesecake all at once but it was still a moment of being out of control.
I don’t want to undo all the hard work of the last 3 weeks and it has been hard. I am hungry some of the time. I have food envy some of the time and I feel frustrated and annoyed at myself that I have let myself go to this extent some of the time.
The only thing to do was to draw a line and start again. I knew when I went back to work I would start Exante again so that’s exactly what I have done today. I haven’t let myself give in to excuses – I have had them…the little voice that says….’just eat sensibly, don’t diet.’ or ‘Just have a little snack, it wont matter.’ Today has been hard but I have not given in. I have had 3 exante products…Honeycomb shake for brekkie. Chicken curry and salad for lunch. Black bean exante pot for tea and a strawberry bar for an evening snack. I have drunk 2.5 litres of water. My calories for today will be a little over 800 as I couldnt weight the chicken at lunch and have to account for the sauce it was in.
I am determined but have battled with my inner saboteur trying to derail me. To try and get over this I have set myself a goal of a 4 lb loss next weigh in. For this to happen I will have to be 100% on plan. I just need to keep focus. I really want this.